Major labels revise policy

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Punktastic has been exclusively provided with a leaked report from an anonymous source, indicating two of the largest worldwide music labels, Universal Music and Columbia Records, are planning to simultaneously end all charges for their released music. The report, published internally on April 1, proposes a simultaneous shift in business policy that would see the advent totally free CDs being given away in stores across the world.

In the leaked report, authors Joe King and Paul Ureleg state that, “current and foreseeable factors in the world economy do not support commercial enterprises in their present form”. The report goes on to provide possible forms of revenue generation for the “free” releases, stating inter-song commercials as the most feasible method – “commercial advertising could be as successful in music as it is in TV”. The report also cites the social benefits of the shift in thinking, “Punk music, in particular, was started as a DIY movement, free for all; [this scheme] could really improve our image with the kids on street”.

Punktastic has been reliably informed from a separate source within one of the major labels that key players such as Robbie Williams, Bruce Willis and Dan Castellaneta (‘Homer‘ from popular TV series ‘The Simpsons’) have been drafted for MCA’s forthcoming summer release, “New Found Glory – Sticks and Stones”, now hotly tipped to be the scheme’s debut release.

Only time will tell if other major labels will follow suit, at present no major label spokespersons were available for comment. However a spokesperson from independant label When Hell Freezes Over did speak publicly on the matter, stating “[the scheme] would probably happen ‘when pigs fly’.”.

Punktastic reserves comment for a later date.

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