Fastlane – Cleethorpes Beachcomber

By paul

Since when did gigs in Cleethorpes suddenly be THE place to go on a Friday night? If you’re under 14 of course – Jesus fucking wept, the Winter Gardens has turned into a creche, full of pre-pubscents copping off with their peers or playing kiss chase across the foyer. I don’t know what’s worse, the sight of two 12 year old “lesbians” playing tonsil hockey (and we know they were 12 because they still had fucking milk teeth!) or the fact the Winter Gardens had a hot dog stand next to the merch booth.

I tell you what is worse than watching youngsters touching each other up and making me feel like a dirty perv, and that’s fucking horrible local bands that cannot play music. Jesus fucking christ, who the hell can’t play ‘Hitchin A Ride’? Wait, a band of kids from Grimsby?! Jesus, rule one of being in a band is learn to play your instruments. At least have the decency to play the songs properly if you’re going to make my ears cry for 20 mins. I’m not sure what was worse – the vocalist’s “singing”, the guitarist failing to remember the four chords in the correct manner, or the fact the unnamed band’s fourth (and last song) was exactly the same as their first. ‘Hitchin A Ride’.


FASTLANE are amazing mind, but then compared to the abomination that had just played, I’d have been inclined to believe Whitmore are the greatest band in the world (chortle). It’s astonishing to think how this band, and many, many others in the UK, have ben languishing in the murky depths of the UK toilet circuit when they are far superior than a great many US acts. But then that;s what you get when the suits throw money at bands and make them big. The sound may be shite, but Fastlane still excite the raging hormones sipping their Iron Bru’s into circle pit after circle pit. ‘New Start’ is immense on CD, but Fastlane are so, so much better live and support slots with New Found Glory and Avenged Sevenfold are taking them to the next level.

Thank fuck the next level will mean they’ll be bypassing holes like this on their next tour…