Someone once said ‘if it’s not fun, it’s not worth doing’. It may have been Homer Simpson, I’m not too sure. Either way, it’s a statement that tends to apply to most aspects of life, and in music it’s no different. Sometimes you need a record to listen to that just puts a smile on your face, and instantly forces you to get up and dance about like a buffoon. Thankfully The Steinways are here to make that happen. ‘Missed the Boat’ is no more that twenty minutes in length, and as it comprises of as many songs as it does minutes, I’m inclined to be a little sceptical. Thirty second punk songs were always lost on me. However, as much as I wanted to hate this record for whatever it may contain, I just couldn’t. It’s impossible to hate something as punchy or simply as witty as this.
Nearly all the songs present here are based around things as trivial as nymphomaniac sixteen year olds and running out of weed. Again, my gut reaction after a quick glance at the lyrics booklet would cause me to write this cd off as worthless, if it wasn’t for the sharp wit with which the lyrics are worded. ‘Why don’t Jewish girls like me?’ is a prime example of this, managing to make a complete mockery of the pop-punk genre with the simple words ‘pop punk, pop punk, girl girl girl, girls don’t like me, boo hoo hoo’. Who else can manage to get a message across like that in such a razor-sharp way?
Elsewhere there are more complete tales of teenage angst in the form of ‘I wanna kiss you on the lips’ and ‘Fruitmarket fantasy’. It’s in songs like this where the Atom and His Package/Guttermouth influences shine through strongest. You’re asking too much for this band to utilise more than three chords and a simplistic drumbeat in one song, but what the Steinways lack in musical knowledge, they make up in their delivery, and each one and a half minute tale of teenage heartbreak and drug abuse is delivered in the most satisfying way.
Yes, there’s limited appeal here, and no, you won’t find yourself listening to this album more than a couple of times, and in those cases it’s really only for the novelty factor, but the Steinways aren’t aiming to write symphonies. They’re here to make you smile, and if they do that for just half an hour, their mission is accomplished. ‘Missed the boat’ is no masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s a damn giggle all the same.
Andy R