Words: Kate Allvey  //  Photos: Penny Bennett // Korn Photo: Andrew Whitton

Harpy

Harpy makes an early morning start absolutely worth it. “There is no redemption, only damnation!” She screams, the sophisticated older sister to Bambii Thug, and strips off her coat to reveal her PVC lingerie. Her Download debut is an impressive one, with ‘Medicine’ casting witchy rave pop waves that enchant her new converts. She’s seductive and destructive in equal measure, whether she’s howling with rage or letting her magnificent voice take centre stage.

Bleed From Within

Bleed from Within rouse the lunchtime crowd in style, especially the ‘old school metalheads’ that they dedicate ‘Into Nothing’ to, their self-assured pit-noise containing a daring ring that bursts through the smoke to give us the first anthem moment of the day. Scott Kennedy fondly recalls his first visit to Download in the crowd twenty years before, dedicating a tumbling throbbing ‘I Am Damnation’ to those in the position he once was in. They make metal for the people, by the people, expressed in the most brutal style. 

The Ghost Inside

The Ghost Inside are here to unite those who want to keep their day heavy, with leonine roars and seismic rhythms, a constant explosion of focused urgency. ‘Wash It Away’s’ tangled riffs send nods of approval across the hillside, a sense of motion and yearning connecting us. ‘Aftermath’ soars with refreshing melodic moments in the middle of the distortion, and we’re absorbed by a band who get stronger every time they visit the UK. 

Jinjer

The complex sound of the Ukrainians is dominated by Tatiana Shmayluk, the vocalist with the hugest range of the weekend. ‘Green Snake’ brings sparkling intelligence and a prog tint to their expansive narratives, the vocalist skipping merrily as she growls like a raging beast, “I know from experience that you like hardcore,” she laughs before weaving ‘Fast Draw’s’ soundscapes from guitar riffs that sound like barbed wire wrapped in silk. A sea of hands grows as quickly as the ever-present dust is kicked up, fuelled by our love for Jinjer. 

Alien Ant Farm

Alien Ant Farm’s appetite has been renewed since their last trip to the UK, and ‘Movies’ hits the sweet spot between nostalgia and summer fun, sending beach balls flying across the sky. Karaoke moment abound, fuelled by pop punk guitar squeals adding sparkle to ‘Last dAntz’. It’s Fathers’ Day, after all, so a “mosh pit for dads only” feels like a sweet gesture, and ‘These Days’ taps into the spirit of noughties youth. Of course, their version of ‘Smooth Criminal’ is iconic, and Alien Ant Farm truly have made it their own. 

House of Protection

Let’s throw rave vibes into the best underground party of the weekend, shall we? House of Protection throw their hardcore influence into the controlled chaos of the Avalanche stage, ignoring genre boundaries with a protest attitude and vocals like shouted slogans. ‘Fuse’ wins us over with a classic hardcore bounce that bursts from tightly wound electricity and a surprisingly soft chorus. When you’ve got Fever 333 and the Cancer Bats on your group CV, you’re bound to make appealing noise, and House of Protection make rowdy, uplifting Rottweilers of songs that throw caution to the wind. 

President

The crowd stretches so far beyond the Dogtooth stage for the most hyped band on the Download bill. It’s President’s first show, and sixty percent of it is made of new songs, a very bold move for the masked political hopefuls. The singalong for ‘Fearless’ breaks from an awed hush, before the long, lonely tones of ‘Dionysus’ betray a combination of Corey Taylor and Sleep Token on their playlist. ‘Rage’ has a rockier edge to drops that feel new and essential, and the huge scream on ‘Destroy Me’ jolts us into the President fandom. “Let it be known; this is merely the opening chapter,” announces the grandiose voiceover, and we truly hope it’s right. President have tapped into the zeitgeist with a sound that’s fresh and has already captured the hearts of seemingly half the arena. 

Jerry Cantrell

For those not enraptured by President, the ex-Alice In Chains founder offers a comforting rock presence, his old school outlaw energy channeled into his iconic voice. His guitar feels like raking a zen sand garden at times, an essential approach that reaches out to fans go reworked rock with its solid steel grunge heart. ‘My Body Breathing’ proves his role as a hero to older rockers suits him, and each song on his set is a road trip through post modern Americana.

Spiritbox

We’re greeted with an instant blast from a band who can’t be expected to accept an afternoon slot for much longer. There’s an epic scale to Courtney LaPlante’s screams as she floats angelically in a white dress above us onstage, ‘Fata Morgana’ quenches our thirst for deep riffs, and our love of Spiritbox peaks with ‘The Void’, the beats shaking loose our inhibitions. We scream out the chorus to ‘Secret Garden’ as one before ‘Circle With Me’ hits like a sandstorm; grinding and beautifully destructive. 

Lorna Shore

The award for ‘Band Who Started A Pit Before The Set After One Note’ goes to the majestic Lorna Shore. Taylor Barber of Die By My Hand joins for ‘Sun//Eater’, a song packed with drama, dignity and total savagery from a band in impeccably tailored suits. The air guitars are out in force for ‘Cursed To Die’, the bass heavy from a band who are a glorious contradiction, impressively absorbing for half of us and inspirational for the rest. Front man Will Ramos checks the pit with real concern, offering tips on hydration, before ‘To The Hellfire’ ignites the crowd, their blistering pyro adding to the wall of complicated deathcore.

Bullet For My Valentine

 The Apex stage is rammed for a least fifty metres for Bullet For My Valentine, a testament to the band’s “heavy but super accessible” stance. We’re here to celebrate twenty years of ‘The Poison’, a record that’ll be played in full “for the last time in the UK.” ‘Tears Don’t Fall’, “the song that changed our lives forever” according to vocalist Matthew Tuck, feels fresh, with gorgeous playful pauses added for buildup and for crowd surfers to rise to the surface. ‘Suffocating Under Words Of Sorrow (What Can I Do)’ is rich and bright, a well-polished call to arms, a celebration of passion. Sometimes you just want to hear your favourite songs played incredibly loud, glazed with genuine appreciation and sincerity, and that’s what makes Bullet For My Valentine’s set so perfect.

Steel Panther

Steel Panther plot a taut set, as tight as the lycra on the exotic dancers onstage. Opening with ‘Eye Of The Panther’, they give us all the hair metal excess and guitar twiddle that we hoped for. In between the hopefully fictional anecdotes and jokes which all have homosexuality as the punchline, they’re doing what they do best: wailing, rocking out, and paying their own satirical homage to the greats. For the crowd who are into Steel Panther, ‘Asian Hooker’ is a massive highlight, and the newcomers exchange awkward side glances. At the top of the hill, one of the Festival Chaplains stares on impassively while the crowd go wild for the solos and smoke that flood ‘Friends With Benefits’.

Kids In Glass Houses

Meanwhile, down the hill, Kids in Glass Houses are projecting the polar opposite to Steel Panther. ‘Undercover Lover’ brims with optimism and sincerity, the warmth, layers and Lionel Ritchie sampling giving a weekend of the Avalanche stage a joyful send off. Their set feels like a graduation, as ‘Diamond Days’ flings out Springsteen energy, and ‘Sunshine’ could be a lesson in how to create softness without mush. Kids in Glass Houses project a buzzing brit energy that surely has lured half of the crowd to already book tickets to the winter tour. 

Korn

Korn are an enigma. Despite staying out of the charts for decades, they’ve amassed a huge following, at least judging by the amount of ‘Got The Life’ tattoos spotted over the weekend. Every phone is in the air as Jonathan Davis lets out his first scream into ‘Blind’, a song that feels aggressive and vital. Korn have rid themselves of the trappings that come with the label ‘nu metal’, and we can see them as they were meant to be all along. DJ scratches have been replaced with even more guitar and we can see clearly what made them special enough to start their own sub-genre. ‘Here To Stay’ emerges fast and stormy, the bass stirring further and further as we are sucked into Korn’s set. 

There’s moments of levity, such as Davis playing the bagpipes and silly lyrics on ‘Shoots and Ladders’, but Korn focus on the raw core at the heart of their sound that needed to be stripped of its baggage to be appreciated. ‘Y’all Want A Single’ has reached classic status, the swears screamed as a pressure release, a toy voodoo doll flung across the field to a huge groove and the trademark guitar echoes.  It’s ‘Freak On A Leash’, slowed to a glacial scale, that provides the perfect close the weekend, each second stretched to significance to accumulate our voices before confetti releases us from the weekend. Korn have stamped out relic or nostalgia status to become the final headliners that we didn’t know we needed. 

Technically, they are absolutely stunning. All four members are incredibly talented, polished and tight as performers, and frontman Michael Starr has the kind of voice that could melt statues. His vocals are neon lava lamp fluid, morphing between spitting fire, howling like a madman and a surprising tenderness. He’s the love child of Steven Tyler and Mick Jagger, all posing and glory, sharing vogue shapes with guitarist Satchel, who slices and shreds like a bedazzled blender. Drummer Spyder is absolutely rock solid, bringing that Guns n Roses big banging tempo to everything he touches. 

Their ‘milder’ songs are fantastic: ‘Eyes of a Panther’ is a stadium-busting opener, with silhouettes against a huge UV backdrop transforming into the vivd rockstars of MTV history, and the reception this newer single receives is as big as their hair: they’ve got that classic hair metal sound nailed and now they’re barraging us around the head with the full power of the era. ‘The Burden Of Being Wonderful’ is the perfect opportunity for the playful lyrics to shine, and for Starr to get his hip-thrusting, gut-busting groove on. Numbers like this show that Steel Panther are very talented songwriters and can twist those tropes about gigantic egos into humour. Similarly, the pathos of a tune about surviving is subverted in ‘Ain’t Dead Yet’, and they are capable of tenderness amid the throbbing baselines and imported wind machines. The absolutely razor sharp cut of Satchel’s guitar in that song is a thing of beauty that would inspire a hundred air guitars forty years ago. 

However, it’s impossible to separate Steel Panther’s music from their overall performance as the tunes are only one facet of the whole experience. They come across less a satire of eighties hairspray and excess, and more as someone’s uncle who used to be in a band back in the day and now keeps bringing up wildly inappropriate anecdotes about cocaine during Christmas dinner. The banter in between songs (and there is a lot – they pause for five minutes after every two songs) is shudderingly embarrassing; between the expected encouraging of audience members to perform oral sex on each other and mockery of the disabled is a sense of scorn for their fans, a willingness to use them as props rather than engage with them. What makes other metal parodies such as ‘Wayne’s World’ or ‘Spinal Tap’ effective is that the characters are sympathetic and relatable to those watching amid the ridiculousness, and Steel Panther seem to have missed the mark. With a tweak to their dialogue or the creation of a narrative as simplistic as those on professional wrestling they’d have created the kind of manufactured metal masterpiece that’d be iconic, but that has been forsaken in favour of more dick jokes. 

Take their semi-scripted ‘Impromptu Song For a Girl’, for instance. It’s a classic routine: the band invite a beautiful lady onstage to have some interaction, be it a song dedicated to her or a classic Springsteen waltz moment. With Steel Panther, obviously, the expectation that it will be lewd is pretty obvious, and the audience member was more than ready to play the game. It could have been a really funny memorable moment for us, them and the chosen woman. But after four separate songs, one from each band member, with chatting among themselves in between, it began to drag. It was clear that the young lady could have been a blow-up doll for all they cared, because they were ‘doing a bit’ and that was what mattered. Putting her on the spot to ask her about her intimate grooming habits was the stuff of interview nightmares, and from looking around it was clear that a lot of spines among the audience were curling in shame. That said, of course, the songs they ‘improvised’ were absolutely spot on, fantastic and sarcastic renditions of that soppy ballad style that they slipped in and out of effortlessly and each one could easily have been a single in its own right. It’s frustrating because they are so incredibly musically sharp and capable of anything, but they chose to wander aimlessly in the paths of awkward misogyny instead of putting their talents to making something magical.  

So have Steel Panther still got their claws? Yes, but they seem to be turned in the wrong direction. For every moment of unity, every big party number like ‘Gloryhole’ where all the stops are pulled out, cages are rattled and the key changes make everything seem like a Reagan-era utopia, there’s a moment of silence where a point of connection could have been created. The guitar solos are long and technical enough to bring joy to even the biggest prog fans, there’s enough bass to rearrange your heart rhythm and a controlled, primal drumbeat like the eponymous big cat on a leash. But there’s also a sense of disregard, so many opportunities missed for genuine humour and a strange reliance on off colour jokes for pacing.

For their many devotees, this was an amazing show and doubtless delivered everything they wanted. For the rest of us, it was just a bit embarrassing. 

KATE ALLVEY

Lyrically ‘Feel The Steel’ hasn’t aged well but, at the time, it had an element of novelty and drew a smile. ‘Heavy Metal Rules’ is a watered down version that would bore a seasoned listener with its relentless swearing and repetition, and has nothing new to offer the younger audience that it seems they’re swinging for. There’s something uncomfortable about a group of 40 to 50-something-year-old men opening an album with the voice of a teenage boy talking about how “punk shit sucks”. Not to mention the opening of track three, ‘Let’s Get High Tonight’: “Mom and dad are out of town / Call the whores it’s going down”.

In a cheap throwaway to the present day we’re reassured that ecstasy and shrooms are gluten free, but it seems Steel Panther haven’t got the memo that in 2019 misogyny (CC: ‘Gods of Pussy’ – “Gods of pussy / Gods of pussy / Give ‘em a slap / Give ‘em the clap”) and toxic masculinity (CC: ‘I’m Not Your Bitch’ – “Give me a back rub, snuggle after sex / This kind of stuff will turn you into my ex”, “Time may be here to lay down the law / Don’t make me beat you with my Panther paw”) aren’t acceptable, or that penis jokes aren’t funny if you’re over the age of 12.

It’s not even worth unpicking the rest of ‘Heavy Metal Rules’ in too much detail. ‘You’ll Always Be A Ho’ is somehow catchy and there are strong riffs in ‘Fuck Everybody’, but this album still isn’t worth listening to. It’s a shame because Michael Starr, Satchel, Lexxi Foxx, and Stix Zadinia have talent to rival the likes of their idols Van Halen and Judas Priest, but show an embarrassing unwillingness to evolve.

Humour is, of course, subjective, and the tropes of sex, drugs and rock and roll are the building blocks of the genre. But, it wouldn’t be that hard to turn the tropes on their head: celebrate sexuality and empower sex workers, explore rebellion and escapism, rejoice in the incredible over-the-topness of 80s-inspired hair metal; gratuitous riffs, catchy lyrics and excessive styling backed up with solid musical ability. Heavy metal isn’t dead yet, but it’s in dire need of a revolution.

CATIE ALLWRIGHT

Up first, Bowling For Soup who have actually been around for ages, and have probably played most of the venues we have, over their long and illustrious careers. But tonight is a first for Wembley arena and the crowd are well warmed up vocally. There is a large appreciation for this band in the building tonight and it certainly brings a nostalgic tear to the eye.

Despite the love in the room, the set is rather indistinguishable, and there is far too much inter-song banter. Vocalist Reddick spends quite a bit of time stating how fat he’s got whilst guitarist Chris Burney spends an annoying amount of time flicking his plectrums off his elbow, seemingly throughout the set, provoking thoughts of how little ‘real’ guitar playing there is in these songs.

They play ‘Today Is Gonna Be A Great Day’ from Phineas and Ferb, which apparently is the world’s most famous cartoon but seemingly most of the audience aren’t aware of its existence; then follow it with ‘Stacey’s Mom’ where they point out that despite being credited for this track, it was actually a Fountain of Wayne song.

Finishing track ‘Girls All The Bad Guys Want’ is what a lot of people were waiting for, and lots of people seem to enjoy it. As support slots go, it’s mediocre at best, and certainly won’t go down in the arena’s pre-main entertainment catalogue, as say, Black Peaks should do, for their support performance to the Deftones a while back.

There is a lot to love about Steel Panther. They refuse to do away with their eighties hair and spandex, and indeed, much like The Darkness, this is one of their appeals. There are a lot of people dressed up tonight in groin hugging spandex and luscious blonde wigs, complete with a variety of inflatables, from chairs to guitars and even water pistols. They are about fun, and about a night out, singing your heart out to totally ridiculous songs about fat girls giving head, orgy’s with old people and particular holes in walls in toilets.

It is all, mostly, innocent fun and the band strut around like pros; like they’ve been doing this for years, despite them only recently coming of age. The main snagging point really is that despite the hugely tongue in cheek aura, there is still an element of sexism in their performance, and the derogatory request for ‘let me see some tits’ seemed OK in the early noughties, but now really is totally inappropriate and sets a bad impression for young people, who were en masse this evening. If we, as in the ‘alternative scene’, want a positive move towards equality and to set a good impression to young people, even joke references to belittling women and objectifying them should be abolished, with no exceptions. There is also far too much inter-song high jinks, and it would be better, considering the journey and cost of getting to the venue, to squeeze in more songs.

Despite this, the performance is OK for the most part, with ‘Asian Hooker’ and ‘Death To All But Metal’ being the particular highlights. Whether or not they are a band that many people will continue to revisit is uncertain, as the novelty will probably wear off, and the ticket prices are not worth repeat visits, as you essentially get the same thing every time. However, despite these criticisms, they exist within a small dimension of similar bands with The Darkness and Buck Cherry being two others, and they do a good job of blurring the lines between music and comedy and darn, are they good musicians. Whether or not you’re a fan, they’re worth seeing once, but perhaps don’t go booking the whole tour out quite yet.

The lights go down and a video comes onto the big screen behind the stage: Steel Panther in their dressing room with girls, Steel Panther walking onstage, and so on. It’s entertaining as ever, and they take to the stage to complete hysteria in the audience. The screen splits into four and each part shows a different band member doing their thing. They open with ‘Supersonic Sex Machine’ off their newest album ‘Balls Out’.

They get a raucous reaction to everything they do, but the crowd really goes off when they play arguably their best song ‘Asian Hooker’, which never gets old. Their between-song banter is as outrageous and brilliant as ever, and as always a Steel Panther show is not just a gig, but a combination of stand-up comedy and hilarious (but genuinely quite brilliant) songs.

As promised, they bring on a special guest in the shape of Vivian Campbell from Def Leppard, which goes down a storm with all the heavy metal fans in the room. ‘Death To All But Metal’ is excellent, and the show is peppered with dancing girls brought up onstage from the audience. The band come back on for an encore of ‘Community Property’ and it’s clear to see that the songs from their first album ‘Feel The Steel’ are the most popular.

Tonight is not the best show Steel Panther have ever played, but that is only due to the fact that they have played a million incredible shows (see their residency at West Hollywood’s House Of Blues, where they smash it every single time). They are as entertaining and brilliant as ever, so if you ever want your mind well and truly blown, Steel Panther are the ones for you.

LAIS MW